Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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