You're earring is so big in my mouth
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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