i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
