Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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