i already hear my dad disowning me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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