Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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