You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
