Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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