someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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