Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
