just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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