So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
