You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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