why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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