can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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