Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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