When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
