I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
