idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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