thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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