ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize