id be glad to
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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