he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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