ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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