do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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