i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
