I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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