Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
