I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
