He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
