i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
