a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
