Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
