You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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