I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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