Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
