I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
