No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
