does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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