So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
