let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize