I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
