I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
