My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
