my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
