Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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