when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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