Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
