Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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