I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
