Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
