Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
