just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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