Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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