If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
God, I missed his penis.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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