if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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