I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
