I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
