Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
