You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
