please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
