I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
