South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
