he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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