Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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