i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
