Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
