So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
