If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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