I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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