yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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