oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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