When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
