My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
