I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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