His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
